Interview with Sarah Lindsay (Disability Theology)

Each post in this series comes from someone at Savior who has a disability. Today, we hear from Sarah Lindsay, Savior’s Pastor of Adult Formation.

Tell us about yourself:
I’m Sarah Lindsay, the Pastor of Adult Formation here at Savior. I live in Wheaton with my husband, Brad, and my three daughters (Isabel, Claire, and Vivian). Before we moved to Wheaton a few years ago, I taught college English, so I’m always happy to talk books! In addition to reading in my spare time, I also enjoy baking and knitting.

Tell us about your disability, and how it affects your daily life:
I have depression and anxiety, mental illnesses that affect millions of Americans. I was formally diagnosed with postpartum depression (PPD) after the birth of my second daughter, but after receiving that diagnosis I realized that I had experienced multiple major depressive episodes, starting in my teens. With the PPD diagnosis, I was able to start learning how to treat my depression and anxiety.

I can best describe my experience of depression as wading through thick mud while the entire landscape is covered in fog. Tasks that are normally easy feel almost impossibly difficult; everything feels muffled and distant. During the worst days of a depressive episode I know, objectively, that doing certain things — taking a walk, talking to a friend — will probably make me feel a little better, but the steps required to actually do those things seem insurmountable.

My anxiety is typically less severe than my depression, and unlike depression anxiety brings more energy — which can sometimes prevent me from recognizing when I’m experiencing unhealthy levels of anxiety. I know that my anxiety levels are high when I’m either constantly fighting back intrusive worries about things that are extremely unlikely to happen, or when insomnia strikes.

When my depression and anxiety are under control, they don’t affect my life much; I’ve lived with them for my whole adult life, so I’m not sure who I would be without anxiety and depression. However, when I have a depressive episodes, I tend to withdraw from others; my limited energy goes into fulfilling my obligations at work and to my kids, and I don’t have the resources for much beyond that. I’m grateful for friends and therapists (and my family) who help me remember that there are still good things in the world — and that I won’t feel this bad forever.

What does or can the Savior community do to make you feel loved, supported, and fully included in the life of the church?
I am grateful that Savior is a church that understands mental illnesses as illnesses that often need to be treated with medication! In the first year or so that I was at Savior, Fr. Kevin mentioned in a sermon taking anxiety medication. I don’t remember anything else about that sermon (sorry, Fr. Kevin!), but that was the first time I’d heard a pastor mention medicating mental illness in such a matter-of-fact, non-judgmental way. 

I’ve never once had someone at Savior raise an eyebrow when I mention antidepressants, nor has anyone suggested that my anxiety stems from a lack of faith or that I should just get over my depression. I deeply appreciate that people at Savior are willing to be open about their own mental health and that they accept that mental illness needs to be treated like any other illness. And I also appreciate the way that Savior values rest: I’m not always good at being kind to myself when I’m in the middle of a depressive episode or a bout of anxiety, but Mtr. Karen and Pastor Mary in particular always remind me of the value of rest and caring for my mental health just as I would my physical health.

I encourage Savior to keep caring for those who struggle with their mental health, and to keep normalizing openness about mental health.

Interview with Alyssa Barringer (Disability Theology)

Each post in this series comes from someone at Savior who has a disability. Today, we hear from Alyssa Barringer, one of Savior’s newer members.

Tell us about yourself.
My name is Alyssa. I teach Latin, I teach, coach and perform improvisational theater, and I read stacks of books to my kids.

Tell us about your disability, and how it affects your daily life.
I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) as well as some other still-mysterious hormonal irregularities. About 1 in 10 women have PCOS, and it affects every person differently. It causes irregular menstrual cycles, which is why it is a common cause of infertility; but it also affects sleep, metabolism, mood, and skin. 

Roughly 1 in 20 women have PMDD, which I experience as 7-10 days of anxiety, brain fog, and flu-like symptoms. 

I do not yet have a diagnosis for the other hormonal irregularities, but the main concern is fainting spells. When other people would go into fight-or-flight mode under stress, I faint and then need a day to sleep it off.

The PMDD gives me 7-10 days every cycle of fever, fatigue, and anxiety. The PCOS means I never can quite predict when those PMDD symptoms are going to hit. (And, when they do hit, how do I know for sure this fever is hormonal and not a mild breakthrough COVID case? Should we all get tested? Should we keep the kids home from school?) This makes it difficult to make plans more than a week or two ahead of time. It often feels easier not to plan ahead at all, just to avoid my disappointment and other people's inconvenience if I have to back out at the last minute. 

I usually have a couple of days per cycle where my symptoms are too severe for me to be on my feet or safely drive a car. I work part-time and largely from home; I have had to decline opportunities to grow my job because my health is too unpredictable.

What does or can the Savior community do to make you feel loved, supported, and fully included in the life of the church?
Just because I can do something this week doesn't mean I would be capable of it next week; conversely, just because I am not capable of something this week doesn't mean I wouldn't be excited to do it next week. I appreciate when I am invited to participate and serve in ways that intersect with my gifts. I also appreciate when leaders understand that, if I have to decline or back out, it is about timing and not about my willingness to be involved in the church.

Interview with John Mark Howard (Disability Theology)

Each post in this series comes from someone at Savior who has a disability. Today, we hear from John Mark Howard, a long-time Savior member; you’ve likely heard him read or seen him helping out with the children!

Tell us about yourself:
Hi! My name is John Mark Howard. I grew up in Glen Ellyn and am living in Wheaton. I was born in New Jersey, but the first memory I have is here in Illinois. I drive for Uber. I am a big movie guy and I like history. I love to go out and have coffee, I like the 1 on 1 thing.

Tell us about your disability, and how it affects your daily life:
My disability is Cerebral Palsy, I also have scoliosis as a direct result of my CP. It affects my fine motor skills as well as my balance. My vision is affected as well. I see out of both eyes, just one at a time. I do still have what I call bad balance days. Obviously school was not fun. But with all that has happened in my life. It is what made me who I am.

What does or can the Savior community do to make you feel loved, supported, and fully included in the life of the church? I have felt so welcome here at Church of the Savior. I have been attending Church of the Savior for ten years now. From day one, I have not felt singled out. I have been able to volunteer with the children and sing in the Choir.