Recently Pastor Esther and her husband, Tony, shared about their dating and marriage with the students at College of the Ozarks. Here are some outtakes:
Tony: I was actually pursuing singleness. I had no intention of getting married. In fact, I was willing to be a martyr for Christ. It’s not that I wanted to die, it’s just that I was willing if it comes to it.
Esther: That’s why I often tell people I saved his life.
Tony: I figured, Jesus was single, most scholars think Paul was too. Look how much they accomplished! I point to Matthew 6:33, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Esther: My story is a bit different. I was always interested in dating and marriage. Since I went to music school for my undergrad and masters, the majority of the students were girls. People even joked and called my school a nunnery. I often had this anxiety in me that I might not be able to meet my significant other.
When I was 20 years old, I started praying for my future spouse. For seven years I prayed that God will give him wisdom, God will give him strength if he is going through hardships, that he will be passionate for God, he will be pure, and that he will love me very much.
Meanwhile I started dating and went through breakups and would be even more heartbroken and lonely afterwards. One night as I was crying out to God feeling lonely, God spoke to me with the Scripture verse of Matthew 28:20, “I am with you always,’ and with Matthew 6:26: “Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” and I could sense God speaking to me, “I love you so much, I care about you so much, isn’t my love for you enough?” And I remember saying, “Yes, your love is more than enough for me!”
How They Met
Esther: When I was 27 years old, I had just finished Seminary and was wondering and praying about what I should do next with my life. I was teaching music part-time in the undergrad program of Moody Bible Institute, so I was in the school cafeteria when I saw a new Moody Seminary student walk in. From far away, he looked cute.
Tony: The key words being “from far away.”
Esther: He was sitting with one of my Seminary friends and I approached him.
Tony: I noticed that she was circling around me like a shark.
Esther: I joined the table and asked, “Hi, what’s your name?”
Tony: I said, “Tony.” I then ignored her because we were in a serious meeting.
Esther: Which I was not happy about! But after the meeting, we started talking, and I shared my story and the ministry I do. I shared about my passion to be God’s instrument to the nations. I actually had a Powerpoint presentation ready to show my students, so I opened up my laptop and showed pictures of me leading musical worship in different countries. I showed pictures of my time in Uganda, and how the kids there were worshiping God with their hands raised, tears flowing, and crying out to God. That moment, Tony started tearing up.
Tony: I cried because I was so moved by these pictures of high schoolers crying because that wanted God so much. I was imagining a day when the gospel would inspire the same response from everyone in the world.
Esther: I was surprised that a guy that I just met would cry in front of me, and then was taken back by his passion for God. (Honestly, it got a bit awkward.) We talked for a few hours that day. And then we kept on talking to each other for the next 10 days. After 10 days, I was starting to think, “Hey what is going on? Does he like me or does he just like to talk to girls?” I was thinking I should have boundaries with this guy as we were talking and praying together a lot one on one, whether by texting, Facebook messaging, or talking in person, and I didn’t want my heart to be led on. Good thing is on that 10th day, Tony approached me, and we had the “DTR”—defining-the-relationship talk.
Tony: I walked her back to her apartment. It was a moonlit night with the stars romantically lighting up the sky. I held open the gate as we walked into the beautiful courtyard filled with trees and flowers. I looked deep into her eyes and confessed my eternal love for her. I told her that I thought she was a fascinating woman and that I find myself attracted to her. I explained I didn’t want her to have to guess and to know that I am not doing this with anyone else. I said that marriage is the end goal of whatever romantic relationship we may start developing.
Esther: Well… what I remember from that night was Tony saying, “I find you interesting.” It was awkward.
Tony: So it was a bit more romantic in my mind, but whatever. There was a moon! There was grass and a gate. I said words…